


Boy Crush

by tintatalk



Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: Humour, M/M, jiyong pining, not enough seungri or daesung to fully satiate anyone's thirsts, seunghyun being oblivious as always, the usual gtop stuff, youngbae being a good best friend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-16
Updated: 2016-03-16
Packaged: 2018-05-27 00:19:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6261658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tintatalk/pseuds/tintatalk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jiyong has a crush on his older brother's best friend, Seunghyun. Unfortunately for him, he's young and Seunghyun's not. When things go wrong and Jiyong has to move away, why does he still find himself pining even though he's claimed to have moved on?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> cross-posted on asianfanfics under a different username :~~)

The day was hot. Really hot, in fact. If Jiyong had the guts to do anything more than lie on his pool recliner, he would have called Youngbae over to have a splash in the cool water. But, unfortunately life just didn’t work like that. And, it was more than the fact that he couldn’t get up from his seat because it was fucking 200 degrees and he was plastered to the scorching fabric. Rather, it was more to do with the object that was only a few metres away from himself. The object of his affections that is. And that object was doing what he did best: act like a buffoon.  

Apparently, that was how Jiyong liked them. Big, tall and bingu.

The sweltering heat roared through the day, so hot that even the few gusts of wind provided discomfort. Since the early morning weather forecast, Jiyong knew he’d be in for a day of trouble. Hot weather sucked in general, but it sucked even more when it became an excuse for your older brother to have a pool party.

Don’t get him wrong – Jiyong loved his brother. Adored him, in fact. It wasn’t that he was jealous that his older brother got to invite his friends over. Daesung even told him that he was more than welcome to invite whoever he wanted. No, the one thing that was bad about these pool parties was Daesung’s best friend, Seunghyun Choi.

The Chois had moved into the neighbourhood when Jiyong was six and Daesung, ten. As soon as the two boys met, they were inseparable. Initially, Jiyong was jealous of the other boy. Who was he to suddenly enter their lives and take Jiyong’s older brother away from him? But, Seunghyun never left and Jiyong eventually resigned himself to the fact that he was going to have to put up with the unwanted presence. Years passed and before Jiyong knew it, the previously unwanted presence became a wanted presence. A desperately wanted presence. He knew it was his hormones kicking in but one day Seunghyun became the most gorgeous creature he had ever laid his eyes upon, and since then, he’d been in a trance.

A Seunghyun trance. He’d cry witchcraft if he didn’t know better.

And, as such, that was who Jiyong was watching now.

Seunghyun was clinging to his brother’s back and was splashing in the water. Honestly, it was ridiculous just how hot Seunghyun was, especially with what he was wearing. Despite the rest of the attendees’ half-naked qualities, Seunghyun was the first to run and jump into the pool clothed in a longsleeve shirt. At the time, Jiyong was both shocked and impressed. Now however, he’s less shocked and more horny because who ever thought a white polyester shirt hid anything when it got wet? 

“Jiyongie! Come join us,” Daesung laughed loudly from inside the pool. Seunghyun was still clinging to him from behind, sporting a wide maniacal grin on his face.

They were having a competition on who was the strongest. Jiyong thought he was the strongest for not having jumped Seunghyun by now.

 “That’s okay hyung,” Jiyong said simply, resting his sunglasses on the bridge of his nose and allowing his legs to ride up the side of his seat. He gave his brother a small, placating smile and nodded his head in acknowledgement. “Not feeling like going into the pool today.”

Seunghyun made a noise when he heard that, causing Jiyong to turn his attention to the one figure that finally managed to dislodge himself from his older brother. The sight that Jiyong was bestowed with was overwhelming. The older boy was _soaked_. This wouldn’t ever be a problem if it wasn’t for the fact that the other was wearing that stupid white shirt that managed to stick to every curve and inch of his upper body. From pumped up pecs to perky brown nipples – Jiyong could see _everything_.

Dear god.

The following seconds rolled out in a way Jiyong assumed photoshoots were conducted, with Seunghyun reaching his muscular arm from underneath the water to move his hair away from his forehead. Water droplets clung to his bulky shoulders as his fingers slid through the wet locks with ease. His attention was brought to the bright object that laid flatly around the other’s wrist, glittering in the sunlight.

“I like your bracelet, hyung. It looks really nice,” Jiyong said, staring at the bright blue beads to try to distract himself from the other’s body. It didn’t seem like something Seunghyun would wear, but still looked good on him either way.

“Oh,” Seunghyun said, looking down at his wrist. He moved his arm up, allowing Jiyong to see the light blue beads more clearly. “This one? My sister made it for me.” 

“Tell noona I really like it,” Jiyong replied, slipping further down in his seat when he realises everyone’s staring at him.

“Will do. Besides, you sure you don’t wanna hop in, Jiyongie?” Seunghyun released his dimpled grin, nearly causing heart failure in an otherwise healthy teenager. “The temperature is really nice.”

“No, that’s okay, hyung.” Jiyong’s returning smile was half grimace.

Seunghyun shared a look with Daesung before he shrugged. Jiyong let out a sigh. He was let off easy this time.

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to jump in the pool, because he really, really wanted to jump in. The weather was hot, the water was cold and practically naked Seunghyun was in there. No, it wasn’t that at all. But rather, it was the fact that he was young. And embarrassed. Daesung was his older brother and despite how long Jiyong had been pining over Seunghyun, he was still the younger brother of Daesung in the other’s eyes. The young, younger brother.

Jiyong’s 15. Seunghyun’s 19.

And that was all there was to it.

*-*-*

It was almost an hour later when Jiyong finally managed to leave the car crash scene to become one with his bed. By that time, the party had already reached its climax with Seunghyun dumping nearly everyone bar Jiyong into the water while parading he was the King of the party.

When Jiyong checked his phone, he had two missed calls from Youngbae and one message with the words, _i hope you haven’t died yet_.

“What a wonderful friend you are,” Jiyong said dryly as soon as the other picked up the phone.

“What are you talking about? I just said that I hope you hadn’t died yet,” Youngbae replied.

“Yeah, thanks,” Jiyong snorted, staring at his chipped fingernails.

The thing about their friendship was that it consisted mainly of Youngbae teasing Jiyong about his crush and Jiyong getting oddly defensive in response. 

“So, how’d it go?” Youngbae asked, his voice sounding suspiciously like a schoolgirl waiting for her hour of daily gossip.

“Nothing went. It was just the same as usual, you know.” Jiyong shrugged before he realised that the other couldn’t see him. He wiped his fingernails across his shirt and sat up against his headboard.

“Why don’t you just tell him you like him?” Youngbae asked curiously.

The other never understood why Jiyong just kept pining away behind the shadows. He was a guy that was never ashamed to admit his feelings about everything. Lucky for him, he had never experienced the grief of rejection or embarrassment. Neither had Jiyong, but it was all in theory. Plus…

“How could I? He’s so much older than me,” Jiyong moaned, the back of his head pressing hard against the grooves on the board.

“He’s only four years older than you. Your dad’s six years older than your mum.”

“I know you’re trying to be reassuring, but that’s not reassuring at all. My dad is 50 years old, Bae.” Jiyong stared at the ceiling. “Plus it’s just weird now and I’m still a kid while he’s an adult.”

“You’re 16 in a month, why don’t you confess then?”

“You’re an idiot,” Jiyong said simply.

He dismissed the idea almost instantly, not even giving himself time to think about it. It was true, he was a _kid_. The other would never choose him when he could choose practically anybody. It was like a entering a competition that he had already lost, there was no point, so why would he even try? So, he threw the idea to the back of his mind, never to be thought of again.

When he thinks back to this moment in time, he thinks back to it with contempt because unfortunately for him, the next time the thought entered his mind was the next time he saw Seunghyun again. And unfortunately for him, he was right to have not trusted Youngbae all along.

*-*-*

“Happy birthday, Jiyongie. Here’s a little something for you.” Seunghyun smiled at him, his eyes crinkling up. He reached over and placed a small, nicely wrapped gift in Jiyong’s hands. “I hope you like it.”

Seunghyun had arrived nearly two hours after his birthday party started with several apologises dropping from his lips as soon as he saw Jiyong, the reason for the party. Jiyong hadn’t seen the other enter, being inundated with friends and guests, but was told by his oh so loving best friend to, ‘go get your man, tiger.’

Jiyong smiled back at the other, his heart beat increasing at Seunghyun’s slight touch. “Thanks, hyung.”

The other continued to stand around next to him, before Jiyong realised that the older was waiting for him to open his gift. He let out a soft, ‘oh,’ before reaching over to undo the packaging. He took his time with the gift wrapping, making sure that no piece of it was crinkled or unnecessarily ripped open, before moving the final piece to unveil the gift inside.

A small bracelet laid flat in his hand, the bright blue beads contrasting nicely with his pale skin. Jiyong stared at the accessory for a few seconds, taking in exactly what it meant that he was receiving this gift. Seunghyun was still wearing his own bracelet that sat snugly on his left wrist. And now, he was giving Jiyong the same one. The same bracelet. Kind of like a… couple bracelet?

Jiyong stood there for at least ten seconds, analysing the bracelet with the same intensity as a jeweller inspecting a piece of gold. It fit nicely in his palm, the weight of the bracelet not overly heavy but not light either. It was a nice copy of the one that hugged Seunghyun’s wrist and Jiyong’s mind reeled over what that meant.

What did giving a bracelet that matched the one you wore, mean? That had to have meant _something_ , right?

“Jiyong?” Seunghyun asked, his voice sounding hesitant. “Do you… not like it? I know I just got Hyeyoon to make it, but since you asked me about it that day in the pool… I thought you—”

“It’s perfect, hyung,” Jiyong cut the other off in the middle of his long and nervous dribble. He gave Seunghyun a wide smile, gently taking the bracelet between his fingers and sliding it over to hang on his wrist.

Jiyong’s heart thumped loudly in his chest, nervous and afraid. He grabbed his wrist and leant the bracelet against his beating heart, trying to will up some pseudo-confidence. He wasn’t wrong. He _couldn’t_ be wrong. The bracelet was a sign, right? Seunghyun wouldn’t have given it to him if it wasn’t for the fact that there was something special between them.

“Hyung… I have to tell you something,” Jiyong didn’t mean to sound so ominous, but as soon as the words came out of his mouth, he winced. Seunghyun’s eyes had widened in response to his gloomy tone.

“I… thank you hyung. I know in the beginning I didn’t really like you that much, but since then, you’ve always been there for me and you have always looked after me. I just wanted to tell you that I like you, hyung. I like you Seunghyun.”

Jiyong closed his eyes, awaiting Seunghyun’s response with bated breath. The silence ticked on for a few seconds, and then a few seconds more. When Jiyong opened his eyes, the other was staring back at him with an extremely surprised look on his face. Seunghyun’s mouth was wide open and if it was any other situation, Jiyong would make a fish joke. Ah, fuck it. He’d do it anyway.

“Oh stop carping on, Seunghyun.” And promptly fell silent again when Seunghyun’s wide eyed attention was brought back to him.

“Oh… um…” A female voice brought Jiyong’s attention away from the tiny cracks in the tiled floor to the girl standing next to Seunghyun. She had a small smile on her face and was holding onto Seunghyun’s arm lightly.

“Hi Jiyong! I’m sorry for coming to your special birthday party, Seunghyun said you wouldn’t mind. Just wanted to say Happy Birthday to the birthday boy. Sweet 16!” The girl smiled at him as she leaned her head over Seunghyun’s shoulder, hair draping the boy’s shoulders.

“Um…” Jiyong’s heart thumped loudly in his chest once again. He felt an ominous shiver crawl up his spine at the sight of the girl and the words, ‘Seunghyun said you wouldn’t mind.’

“Ji-Jiyong,” Seunghyun finally managed to stumble out. “I… er…”

“Sorry,” Jiyong interrupted the other boy’s stumbling and smiled curtly at the girl who was still wrapped around Jiyong’s _hyung_. “Who are you?”

Jiyong stared at the minimal space between the two, his mind racing at the sight. He knew what they were. He knew it.

“Oh, sorry. Did he not mention me?” A wide grin took over her face. “I’m Seunghyun’s girlfriend.”

*-*-*

“Fuck you, Youngbae,” Jiyong punched the other in the shoulder, his eyes tearing up despite himself. The bracelet felt so hot and heavy in his palm, its existence a mockery of Jiyong’s feelings. 

“Whaa—” Youngbae turned around, his expression changing as soon as he saw the tears in the eyes of his best friend. He reached an arm up to grab Jiyong’s shoulder. “Jiyong. What happened, dude?”

The birthday party was still going on. Jiyong had managed to escape Seunghyun and his bubbly girlfriend whose name Jiyong had already forgotten with barely any embarrassment. She didn’t stop talking and if it wasn’t for the fact that she was Seunghyun’s girlfriend, Jiyong was pretty sure that he would’ve liked her. On the other hand, Seunghyun hardly said a word since Jiyong confessed his heart out.

Such a stupid decision. Stupid.

“Stupid.” Jiyong muttered, wiping his wet eyes and nose with his arm. “It was just so stupid!”

It was dumb of him to even consider the idea. Even if the other didn’t have a girlfriend, what good did he think would become of it? Now Seunghyun would just be really awkward whenever Jiyong was there. He’d feel awkward every time Jiyong was being friendly and touched his arm or something. It was just so _stupid_!

“Jiyong!” Youngbae grabbed both of his shoulders and started shaking him like a rag doll. He stared at Jiyong’s glassy eyes with a serious expression on his face. “What happened? What’s stupid?”

“I confessed.” Jiyong muttered, wiping the tears from his face. “I’m a dumbass.”

Youngbae shook his head, not to Jiyong’s surprise. The other thought of the stupid idea in the first place.

“No… you’re not at all, okay Jiyong? So… I’m guessing it didn’t turn out okay?” Youngbae probed gently.

“No.”

“He rejected you?”

“No.”

Youngbae looked surprised at that. His gangster styled eyebrows, which in Jiyong’s opinion, looked more like he had a fight with a razor and lost, furrowed in confusion. “So… what’s wrong then?”

They heard a squeal coming from the opposite end of the crowded room. Seunghyun had picked up his girlfriend fireman style. There wasn’t a point in even trying to guess what the other was doing. Seunghyun was known for his weird antics, and usually Jiyong played along and watched in awe. Not today. Not when it included miss girlfriend.

“Who’s she?” Youngbae asked, snorting. 

“His girlfriend,” Jiyong said dryly. Or at least, as dryly as possible when all possible liquids were flowing out of his face at the same time. He sniffed and tried to gain control of the messy and equally gross situation.

“His girlfriend?!” Youngbae responded loudly. He managed to scoff out a laugh before he stopped and looked at Jiyong with wide eyes. “Dude…”

“Yeah, yeah,” Jiyong rolled his eyes, grabbing a tissue and wiping his nose. He crushed the soft fabric in his fist after he was done and in his mind he imagined that the tissue was the one girl in the room he did not like.

Okay, he wasn’t blood thirsty, but he was jealous. And jealousy made people do things they wouldn’t usually do. He was sure the girl was nice and friendly, but since she was Seunghyun’s girlfriend, she was Jiyong’s enemy. Hey – don’t look at Jiyong like that, he didn’t make the rules.

After a short break of silence, which really wasn’t silence since the music in the background continued to play loudly despite everything, Youngbae muttered quietly. “I’m sorry, dude.”

Jiyong shrugged. As much as he wanted to blame Youngbae for his broken heart, – which was broken. He was hanging on tight right now to make sure the shattered pieces didn’t fall to the floor in front of everyone – he knew he couldn’t blame him. All Youngbae did was try to help him get with his crush. His love. He just wanted his best friend happy. Who knew Seunghyun had a girlfriend?

Except, even that changed when the night went on.

“Jiyong! I didn’t know you knew Seunghyun Choi?” Dara said animatedly, whispering to him behind her hand.

He had finally managed to calm down and school his emotions to be that of a friendly host, trying to ignore the two lovebirds that were catching everyone’s attention. Jiyong had half the mind to be spiteful and kick them out, because a) it was _his_ birthday party, the attention should be on him and b) he didn’t like that lovey shit. Get it out of his place.

“Huh, oh, he’s my brother’s best friend. You know him?” Jiyong asked, curiously.

Dara was one of the older friends he had. They had met each other at dancing and had bonded ever since. She was really kind and nice and Jiyong always turned to her whenever he needed much sought after girl advice.

“We go to the same university.” Dara whispered, nodding her head. “Rumour says it he’s a playboy. Feel sorry for that poor girl.”

Her words took Jiyong for a spin. Seunghyun? A playboy? No way. That didn’t make sense in Jiyong’s head. How could silly, stupid, goofy, _bingu_ Seunghyun be a playboy? He didn’t seem like he’d play with girls’ feelings.

He was a great guy. That’s why Jiyong had fallen for him. He loved his mother and his sister. He took care of his dog with so much affection. He was _Daesung_ ’s best friend. In terms of friends, Daesung had impeccable taste. He was always sure to make friends with the right type of people. If what Dara was saying was true, then was all of that _wrong_?

“P-playboy? What do you mean?” Jiyong asked, his heart racing under his skin once again. He turned his attention away from the lovey couple to stare at Dara.

Opposed to Jiyong, she looked calm and happy, perhaps even eager to spread the information she seemed to believe.

“Oh, you know. He sleeps around, leaves girls broken hearted, all that nonsense. You know, the usual stuff.” Dara said conversationally, not knowing the impact of her words. “Although, I don’t blame the girls for trying. He is one hot piece of hunk.”

Jiyong cleared his throat, trying to calm down. He smiled weakly at her.

“Hey Dara, um…”

She finally turned to look at him and frowned. “Jiyong, you don’t look so good. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just. Um,” Jiyong let out a fake cough. “My throat’s feeling dry, I’m just going to get some water.”

Dara smiled and winked at him. “Okay birthday boy. I’ll catch you around!”

As soon as she left him, he awkwardly waddled his way through the crowd, thanking everyone who said happy birthday. He eventually made his way to the kitchen and quickly fumbled around with a cup and poured some water.

The cool water calmed him down slightly as he stared back out into the crowd of people. What was even going on? His eyes flittered over the groups of people, from his high school friends, to his dance friends to, Seunghyun who was equally staring back at him. Jiyong blinked, almost dropping his cup in surprise. Seunghyun stared at him, unblinkingly. His strong gaze made Jiyong feel vulnerable, like the other was dissecting him, figuring out each and every thought and emotion that comprised Jiyong Kwon.

He knew that his feelings were probably seeping out of him, visible with just a small glance. The night had been so god damn crazy, it was hard to take control and school his thoughts. It was even harder when Seunghyun just wouldn’t stop staring at him. He almost felt as though the other was teasing him, that his non-stop gaze was trying to get Jiyong do something he wouldn’t normally do. It was stupid, but Jiyong felt humiliated. Well, of course Jiyong felt humiliated. The guy he confessed to was staring at him with his arm wrapped around his girlfriend, what else would Jiyong feel?

Humiliated and sad, Jiyong clenched the blue bracelet and placed it on the table before turning away.

*-*-*

He thought things couldn’t get worse until they did. Turns out the reason his mother accepted having a birthday party so easily was to give him time to be happy. That didn’t work the way she wanted it to – not that she knew, the only person who knew of Jiyong’s inner turmoil was Youngbae. It was all supposed to give him time to be happy before she and her husband dropped the bomb on him.

They were getting a divorce.

Things suck when you’re a teenager. Puberty, high school, heart break. It sucks even more when the one thing you thought was stable, crumbles before your very eyes.

He had limited days in his home city. His mother had gained custody of him and was moving State. Jiyong loved his parents, he really did, but the one person he loved more than his parents was his older brother Daesung. His brother was his everything; the one person he could turn to without a moment’s hesitation. And, his brother was staying in their home city. Staying with their father. Everyone apparently agreed that it was a good idea for Daesung to continue studying at the university near their house and not the university in the State Jiyong was moving to. 

Jiyong understood. Plus, it would make sure that his father wouldn’t get too lonely. But… it was Daesung, How could he leave his brother?

The first year after his move was hard. Not only did he miss his brother and father, but he missed his best friend Youngbae. Moving States in the middle of high school was tough. He had lucked out with Youngbae as a best friend, he was sure that he would never find anyone that could even compare. Eventually, he bumped into Seungri and after a few laughs, he recruited him as a younger dongsaeng.

He went back home during some Christmases and some Easters. It soothed the urge to see them, but it still wasn’t enough. Nothing ever was enough.

Sometimes Jiyong thought about Seunghyun. But, when he did, he always felt mortified. The last time he saw the older boy was at his 16th birthday party. When he confessed and when they had a full out staring competition across a room. That was the last time he had seen the older boy, and it was safe to say that he missed him. Kinda. Maybe.

He eventually accepted the fact that he needed to get over the older boy. There was nothing that was ever going to become of that relationship. There were plenty of beautiful people in the world, he might as well find someone that would actually get with him.

So, he met some girls. And then met some boys. And then met some girls and boys together, and Jiyong experienced youth the way he never thought he ever would. He was young, he was popular and if the number of people he met along the way had anything to say, he was handsome.

Jiyong had all that he could ask for so why did his stupid mind ever think about Seunghyun? Jiyong had wondered this for so long, when he found himself thinking about the boy he used to almost reverently admire. He guessed it was because the other was his first substantial crush who almost left without a trace. Except it was Jiyong who left, and if he ever went back, the other would probably still be there. But Seunghyun had his girlfriend. Girlfriends. He never knew what to make of the information Dara told him. Girlfriends. Girls. Alas, it was never his business anyway.

But maybe it was. Because despite thinking he’d never see Seunghyun again, he did.

The next time he saw Seunghyun, he was four years older from the last time he saw him. And was in a dorm party. He saw Seunghyun in a crappy college dorm party that had red cups and beer pong.

 “I will never understand why you’re staying on campus when you literally live like 25 minutes away,” Jiyong said, raising his eyebrows at his best friend. Youngbae just shrugged back at him with a hashed out grin on his face.

“It’s called independence, Jiyongie. There’s something liberating about living by yourself.”

They were both in a corner, sitting on two rickety plastic chairs. Jiyong had decided to transfer universities for his third year and had flown in the day before, spending the rest of the day with his father and brother. He met up with Youngbae in the morning, before the other invited him to one of his apparently ‘ _shit but there’s free alcohol’_ dorm parties that Jiyong couldn’t refuse.

Jiyong took a swig of his cider, his eyes flittering over the number of individuals in the room.

“So, you know all these people?” He asked, snorting at the sight of two guys running around with their underwear on their head.

Youngbae hummed and shrugged at the same time. “Kinda, not really. Everyone’s kind of weird.”

Weird didn’t even cover it. Everyone was fucking _crazy_. Jiyong had never thought his hometown was anything but nice and family-friendly. The people were nice, the food was nice. Everything in the city could be classified as a place worthy for senior citizens. The college kids on the other hand…

“Holy shit!” Jiyong exclaimed as one of the boys with the underwear on his head, popped out from nowhere and landed in Jiyong’s lap. “Hello…?”

“Hi,” The boy said conversationally, smirking at Jiyong’s surprised expression. “You’re new.”

“I am…” Jiyong responded, clueless.

The boy took the underwear off his head and it was only then that Jiyong realised just how good looking the other was, when he took off the underwear, of course.

“I’m Dave. And you are? Handsome stranger just doesn’t cut it for me, unfortunately,” The boy flirted, winking at him.

Jiyong laughed behind his hand, before relaxing and moving his arms around Dave’s legs. “Jiyong. I was thinking more Sexy Stranger but, I’ll take handsome.” 

“Jiyong!” Youngbae sounded surprised as he barked out a laugh. “When did my friend turn into a Casanova?”

“Only around beautiful strangers,” Jiyong said, winking back at Dave.

Dave turned his head around to look at Youngbae. “Oi you, why didn’t you tell me you had such a hot friend and why am I only meeting him now?”

Jiyong looked at Youngbae in surprise. “You two…”

Youngbae rolled his eyes, “Jiyong, Dave. Dave, Jiyong.”

“Thanks…” Jiyong snorted. He looked between Youngbae and Dave with a curious expression on his face. “So you guys been friends for long?”

Dave was still sitting in Jiyong’s lap and he reached and arm around Jiyong’s neck to become more comfortable.

“Since college started. This kid,” Dave pointed a thumb at Youngbae, “seemed like he was the only one who knew what he was doing. So I pretended to be his friend to get help. Still pretending, actually.”

Jiyong nodded slowly, he turned to look at Youngbae. “Why didn’t you ever tell me about him?”

When he saw Youngbae’s expression, he raised his eyebrows. After knowing the other for so long, Jiyong knew what looks meant what, and when he saw the constipated look on the other’s face, he instantly knew that Youngbae was hiding something.

“What are you hiding from me?” Jiyong asked, with a small laugh. Unfortunately for Youngbae, Jiyong just knew him too well. It would be better for him to just come out with whatever he was hiding than keeping pretending like he didn’t know what Jiyong was talking about.

“What are you talking about?” Youngbae asked, looking entirely too guilty to even _half_ trick Jiyong.

“You’re hiding something from me, come on. Spit it out,” Jiyong nodded his head at his friend. “You can’t hide this stuff from me.”

Before Youngbae had the chance to respond, Dave jumped out of Jiyong’s lap. Jiyong flinched in surprise at the quick movement.

“Oops, sorry about that, my boyfriend’s here. I’ll let you two keep arguing!” Dave smiled at Jiyong.

Jiyong smiled back at him, turning to look his—

“Jiyong.” Youngbae said, pulling his arm towards him. “Come, let’s go this way.”

“Hm. What?” Jiyong replied simply in confusion. He let his arm be dragged and moved further into a different side of the room. “Where are you taking me?”

“This way,” Youngbae kept pulling his arm and dragging him across the room.

Jiyong would have followed along passively if it wasn’t for the fact that he heard a familiar name being called out from the other side of the room. He felt Youngbae’s grip tighten on his arm, but by then it was too late. Jiyong turned his head around and his eyes immediately saw something that he didn’t expect to see.

Seunghyun.

Seunghyun Choi.

Jiyong’s eyes roamed the other’s figure, his heart beating fast in his chest. It had been so long since he last saw Seunghyun, since the last time he _thought_ of the other. The other was as gorgeous as ever, time doing good to his already previously handsome figure. He stepped forward as his eyes searched the other’s chiselled jawline and slicked back black hair. He looked a little out of place in the makeshift college dorm party, dressed in fashionable slacks and a light blue dress shirt.

It was stupid how quickly his feelings arose from the depths. Emotions he hadn’t felt in years bloomed inside his chest. One look at Seunghyun and he was gone. Swept away into the abyss. Seunghyun was the mix of perfection, of absolute perf—

Wait what.

Because Jiyong’s sight was suddenly covered by someone else.

“Youngbae, why are you standing in front of me?” Jiyong complained, wanting to continue staring at Seunghyun.

“I said we have to go this way, Jiyong.” Youngbae stressed the words and it was only then did Jiyong realise that Youngbae himself was stressed out too. “Besides, I thought you were over him.”

“I am, but what are you…” Jiyong looked back from Youngbae to Seunghyun and blinked.

What he was seeing, couldn’t be right. Because right now, he was seeing Seunghyun get kissed.

Which was fine and all since Jiyong was _not_ jealous and was _totally_ over the other boy— _man_. He wasn’t jealous at all. He had grown up since the last time he saw Seunghyun. Seunghyun could be kissed by whoever he wanted to be.

Except.

“Youngbae,” The words hardly made their way out of Jiyong’s gritted teeth. “Why is your _friend_ kissing Seunghyun?”

His lip twitched in unrestrained anger as he watched Dave lean over and plant another kiss on Jiyong’s hyung.

All that for totally being over the other. 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

Huh.

He thought he’d feel more angry. Not that he _wasn’t_ angry, because he was. What the heck was up with Youngbae’s friend and Seunghyun and the kissing business? Speaking of which, they hadn’t even stopped yet. This was a public place, didn’t they have any decency?

He could see them from all the way over the other side of the room. Jiyong’s eyesight wasn’t the greatest, but that was definitely Seunghyun – he had spent quite a significant part of his life memorising the specific shape of Seunghyun’s body, so he damn well knew that was Seunghyun. Dave on the other hand, well, to make matters simple - it was Dave and it was Seunghyun. They were kissing. And, they _still hadn’t stopped._

“Why aren’t they stopping!” Jiyong’s voice sounded incredulous. Because honestly, how long could someone go without air? If they later needed CPR, despite having a nationally recognised First Aid certificate, Jiyong was _not_ going to help.

“Um…” Youngbae responded, blankly.

Jiyong turned to face the other, with a complementary incredulous look on his face. “Huh? What’s up with that? I swear they haven’t breathed in like a minute.”

“I thought you’d be a little more, you know, angry…” Youngbae said awkwardly. He also did not answer Jiyong’s question.

“Yeah, sure, I’m angry, but look at them.” Jiyong scrunched his nose up in the general direction of the kissing couple.

They had made use of one of the spare rickety plastic seats and were giving everyone their money’s worth the way they were going at it. Jiyong honestly felt like he was going to throw up. Who was that vigorous in public? There could be kids in the vicinity! Not that there were, since they were at a dorm party, but technically…

“Okay, I swear it’s been at least 3 minutes since they took their last breath.” Jiyong noted from the side. “That sounds like they died, but in theory it’s correct.”

3 minutes and three seconds, 3 minutes and four seconds…

“Jiyong,” Youngbae reached a hand over to rest on the other’s bicep.

He turned his head towards his best friend’s general direction and gave a nod. “What’s up?”

3 minutes and seven seconds…

“Are you okay?”

Jiyong’s eyebrows furrowed. He looked at the round, watery mark left by his cider on a nearby plastic seat. Picking up the drink, he downed the rest of the bottle.

“Does that tell you how okay I am?” Jiyong looked back at the couple who had finally stopped kissing each other. Except, now they were hugging. He wasn’t sure which was worse.

Despite how sexual kissing was, there was just something about hugs that felt so intimate, so _important_. And for that reason, Jiyong had to avert his eyes in pain.

“Dave… He’s our age, isn’t he?”

He heard Youngbae let out a sigh from behind him.

“Yeah, he is.”

Jiyong nodded his head once. He knew Youngbae wouldn’t lie to him if he was confronted directly.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“Jiyong…” Youngbae pleaded, his face stressed. “I didn’t know how to tell you.”

Jiyong decided to take pity on his friend and stopped his interrogation, at least for the time being. He leaned back on his plastic chair and admired the rest of the view. The entire dorm was sort of poor with decoration, indicating a last minute transformation. A few fairy lights had been scattered aimlessly throughout the rooms, adding to the ambient atmosphere. The dorm rooms themselves were no-go zones and the rest of the party goers were forced to stick to the common room. Jiyong himself didn’t mind, there was free alcohol after all.

Speaking of which..

“I’m going to get some more cider,” Jiyong muttered as he stood up from his seat. He reached his arms out and pulled his muscles tightly to relieve some pressure.

He heard Youngbae’s non-committal grunt and smirked when he realised that the other was still waiting for his impending backlash. All in due time, dear Bae.

Jiyong wobbled through the heap of people, nodding his head to the music that was playing in the background. There were quite a number of people at the party, all eager to waste their night away and forget that school was soon starting. He stared at the esky that sat under a small, unassuming wooden table and increased his pace to quickly obtain whatever debilitating substance he could get his hands on.

However, even that journey was stopped in its tracks, and stopped for the worst possible reason. As Jiyong was leaning over to open the container and grab his alcohol, a voice he was introduced to only minutes prior sounded near his ear. A voice he was quickly, and probably unreasonably, finding a deep aversion to.

“Hey you! What are you after?” Dave asked, rather animatedly and unnecessarily, in Jiyong’s opinion.

Jiyong sighed as he stretched up from his bent over position. “Not you,” he also muttered under his breath.

He realised he was being childish, but the other had no clue so in his eyes he had free reign. The other didn’t know he was badmouthing him under his breath. Plus, that wasn’t a crime, was it? Even if it was, Jiyong would deny it til his last breath and then cry defamation. He wouldn’t let this spindly son of a bitch gain the upper on him.

He stopped his thoughts right there and then, because even _he_ knew that he was going too far. The other was just peacefully asking what he was after, there was no need to inwardly curse him to the next century. 

“Ah, yeah. Just more cider. Unless there’s someone here with bartender skills,” Jiyong shrugged, his lips creasing despite himself. He hesitantly looked over the other’s shoulder and sighed slightly in relief when he didn’t see Mr. Boyfriend hanging nearby.

If Seunghyun popped out from nowhere, his stomach would probably curl in on itself. Dave’s eyes glittered and his grin was so wide, Jiyong’s stomach flipped anyway.

Stop. Being. So. Happy.

“Today’s your lucky day. I know someone who can make you whatever you want!” Dave said with a wink. “I’ll be right back.”

The other quickly turned around and Jiyong was once again left alone. He let out another sigh in relief and turned back to the esky. All he needed was another cider, and peace. Peace and cider, what a lovely combination.

In reality, it was nice of the guy to offer and he was being pretty nice to Jiyong. Unfortunately for him, Jiyong was just really salty. Like, really, really salty and him being the nicest person in the world wouldn’t change that fact. Even if he announced that he was the great, great, grandson of Mother Teresa, Jiyong wouldn’t—well…

He shook his head trying to dissolve his mindless thought. Whatever, all he was saying was that Dave wasn’t going to change in his head. Mother Teresa’s great, grea—well, shit, there he went again. He reached over to pick up a bottle from the icy container but was stopped in his tracks once again.

“Here you go Jiyong, my boyfriend makes great drinks! He’ll be able to help you.”

Jiyong’s eyes shut at the words, a bunch of nerves piling up at the pit of his stomach. No, no, no, _no_. Damnit Mother Teresa’s great, great grandson, that did not help your case at all! He didn’t want to meet Seunghyun tonight. He wasn’t ready. Maybe if he hadn’t witnessed the other performing a practically superhuman feat earlier with the whole no breathing business, he would’ve been okay. But, unfortunately for him, he did witness it and he wasn’t okay. He wasn’t. Okay.

“Jiyong?” Seunghyun’s voice sounded amazed. “Jiyongie?”

Hearing Seunghyun’s deep baritone was like a kick in the foot. The number of times he had imagined it throughout the years was shocking. If there was something about Seunghyun that defined who he was as a person, it was his voice. He had a voice that could move the heavens and that was the least he could say about it. The number of times Seunghyun had used that voice to help him, to make him feeling better, to encourage him was too many to count.

But instead of feeling all those emotions rushing up inside of him like he used to, he felt weird. Because although he had grown up and matured in the last four years, Seunghyun sounded the same. The exact same. Jiyong had lived through a whole life in the past four years while Seunghyun sounded just like the same, old Seunghyun. Wacky Seunghyun. _Bingu_ Seunghyun.

And just as he sounded the same, he probably thought of Jiyong in the same way he used to.

He bit his lip at the pet name he was so used to hearing in that deep voice and lifted his head up. “Hey hyung…”

Seunghyun looked even more gorgeous up close. He had changed a bit since the last time Jiyong saw the other. He looked so beautiful. Too beautiful. His hair was swept back, freeing his dark and tumultuous eyes. His sculptured jaw had only sharpened in the years Jiyong had not seen the other, the flawless, angular curves just begging to be touched. And lastly, his lips. Red, plump and wet.

Jiyong didn’t want to think about why they were wet.

“Jiyong! It’s been so long!” Seunghyun looked so amazed to see him standing there. “I didn’t recognise you.”

Seunghyun shot a glance at his hair and Jiyong shrugged sheepishly, running a hand through his orange locks.

“Ah, well, you know how it is. Kids grow up I guess.” He winced at his tone, and berated himself for giving in so easily. As soon as the other started speaking, Jiyong reverted back to how he used to act around Seunghyun. It was just so simple to go back to how it used to be.

Which was stupid because that was exactly how he didn’t want things to be. He wanted to show Seunghyun how much he had grown up in the time he had been away. He was back now and he was older, more mature. That’s what he wanted to show Seunghyun, that he was finally grown up, not that he meek and mild. 

 “Sorry for interrupting,” Dave’s annoying voice came from the side, “But you guys know each other?”

It was only then that Jiyong realised Dave was holding Seunghyun’s hand. His grip on the other was loose but meaningful. Dave held onto Seunghyun so simply, like the external limb was another part of his own body. It was a very strong indication to how comfortable they were with each other.

“My brother is his best friend,” Jiyong’s smile was so fake he was sure he was going to be called out on his salty feelings. Not wanting to see the happy couple be happy any longer, Jiyong decided to make his leave. “Well, thanks for your offer hyu—Seunghyun, but I’m fine with cider.”

He waved the bottle in front of two and gave his signature fake smile.

“Wait!” Seunghyun’s voice sounded from behind, “We should catch up some time, don’t you think?”

Jiyong wanted respond bitterly with, no, he didn’t think, but he was a pussy and he secretly craved the attention.

He turned around slowly and pretended to think about it. “Sure, when?”

Seunghyun blinked and shook his head, “You free for lunch tomorrow?”

*-*-*

“Why am I such a fucking idiot,” Jiyong moaned loudly, resting his head on his palms in anguish.

After blindly saying yes, yes and more yes to Seunghyun and his wanting to meet up, he had flopped back to the dingy area he and Youngbae had acquired. Apparently Youngbae had seen Seunghyun walk up to him and asked him what all that was about. Jiyong proceeded to grill the other about whose team he was really on. He threatened him that if it was Dave’s team, Jiyong was going to call Hyorin up right now and tell her that Youngbae really liked her.

Safe to say, Youngbae pledged his allegiance instantly.

“You’re not an idiot Jiyong,” Youngbae said automatically.

Jiyong lifted his eyes up from his palms and stared at the other. “Oh, really?”

“Yes, really,” Youngbae said repeated, rolling his eyes. “You may be thick headed and annoying at times, but you’re not an idiot.”

“Speaking of being an idiot, am I an idiot for not having grilled you about Dave yet?” Jiyong propped his chin on the palm of his hand. “I’m waiting for the right time to ask about that.”

Youngbae winced before he laughing awkwardly, reaching an arm over to the rub at the back of his head.

“Jiyong… Honestly, I never meant to keep this from you. But, I thought it’d just be mean to tell you that my friend was dating him…”

Jiyong narrowed his eyes at that, sending the other a rather dubious look. He hated when things were kept from him on the basis of being for his own benefit. He’d rather face whatever consequences he had to face than be kept in the dark.  

“Whatever,” Jiyong shook his head, wanting to get straight to the point. “How long have they been together?”

His friend looked so sufficiently awkward, Jiyong almost felt like laughing. He would usually throw the other a bone and let him be but unfortunately for Youngbae, he was not letting the other off this time.

“6 months I think? Maybe a year?” Youngbae supplied with a shrug of his shoulders.

Jiyong’s mouth dropped open in surprise. A few months he’d be okay with but a whole _year_? How old would Dave had been back then? 19? Maybe even 18? And Seunghyun was fine with that?

There was something just so odd about Seunghyun having a boyfriend that young, and it wasn’t just the fact that it was a _boyfriend_ rather than a girlfriend. Perhaps it was the fact that Jiyong had just drilled it in his head that he was always so young for the other. Too young. The fact that they had a four year age gap was unacceptable. How dare Jiyong even think about a relationship between the two of them?

But that’s the thing, it was always _Jiyong_ thinking that they shouldn’t be together. Seunghyun had technically never said anything. Back then Jiyong was too young, but perhaps when he grew older, if he was still here and didn’t move… maybe… maybe then…?

No, he shouldn’t think about it. Because Seunghyun had Dave now and although Jiyong was many things, he was definitely not a homewrecker.

There was nothing he could do really, except try to be as happy as he could for Seunghyun. If he wanted Dave, so be it. So for the last time that evening, Jiyong glanced at the area both Dave and Seunghyun inhabited and made a promise to himself to not intervene.

What a stupid promise.

*-*-*

Jiyong was living a nightmare.

Not because he was so tired this morning he accidentally poured salt in his coffee instead of sugar – which was in itself horrendous but he was patient enough to go through the process of remaking his coffee with little anger. After sleeping in far too long after his alarm clock had woken nearly half of the neighbourhood up with its loud screeching, Jiyong had hurried to his destination, spoilt coffee still in mind. He attributed his morning woes to waking up on the wrong side of the bed after a drink-heavy night before.

Which was fine, he could deal with spoilt coffee, he could deal with the bus being late, he could deal with a schoolbag being thrust in his face the entire journey. What Jiyong couldn’t deal with was Seunghyun and the fact that the other thought it was apparently a great idea to bring Dave along.

“Hope you don’t mind,” Dave smiled at him.

Jiyong gritted his teeth, the image of punching the other right in the nose not leaving his mind as quickly as he wished.

“Not. At all,” Jiyong’s eyebrows crinkled in way that he was sure could be interpreted as either happiness or anger.

“So, where do you wanna go for lunch?” Seunghyun asked, peering over Dave who conveniently walked in between the two of them.

It was funny how this was supposed to be a catch up between him and Seunghyun, but all Jiyong could see was Dave and his big hand that was wrapped around Seunghyun’s.

“I don’t mind,” Jiyong said, looking at the number of cafés they walked past.

Being Monday, almost each and every place was bustling with people who worked in the commuting area. No matter where they went, they would probably be waiting awhile.

“How about Indian?” Seunghyun offered, pointing at a small joint that sat at the end of the street.

Before Jiyong could say sure thing, Dave interrupted.

“Nah, too filling. What else?”

Jiyong closed his mouth before he could say anything. Well, okay then.

“Chinese?” Seunghyun asked, “I know this great pla—”

“I had Chinese a few days ago,” Dave complained, letting out a huge sigh.

“Um,” Seunghyun’s jaw had tightened and Jiyong bit his lip in amusement. “Well, there’s this great banh mi place around here too.”

“What’s that?” Dave asked, cocking his head to the side and looking too cute that even Jiyong admitted it.

Seunghyun smiled at the other, tapping him on the nose.

(Jiyong almost retched at the sight. Disgusting)

“It’s Vietnamese baguettes. They—”

Dave’s nose was already scrunched up by the time Seunghyun had uttered the word, baguette. “Nah, not bread. No more carbs.”

Seunghyun’s previous expression of fondness immediately reverted to a look of annoyance. Jiyong just angled his head down and tried to stop the smile from appearing on his face. Trouble in paradise shouldn’t be so funny.

But it was.

“Then what do you want, sweetheart?” Seunghyun twisted the word sweetheart to sound both vicious and loving at the same time.

“Whatever you want, sweetheart.” Dave responded in the same tone, a small and rather malicious grin on his face.

Jiyong was impressed at how passively aggressive they both sounded, and he flashed his eyebrows at the pavement. There was something going on between them and Jiyong didn’t want to get into it. They obviously needed to fix that shit out themselves but he wasn’t going to help them with it.

Even if Seunghyun had brought the other as assurance that Jiyong wouldn’t try anything, it obviously backfired. Jiyong paused for a second, thinking his previous thought through. Because that’s true… that’s what Seunghyun did. He brought Dave along as surety that Jiyong wouldn’t try anything; that Jiyong wouldn’t hit on him.

Was he really so worried that Jiyong was going to jump on him as soon as he saw the other, just because Jiyong had a crush those years ago? Because why else would Seunghyun bring the other?

The fact that Seunghyun would do that was both embarrassing and insulting. Embarrassing because Jiyong couldn’t deny the fact that he did still have a little bit of a crush on the other, and insulting because, fuck, that was darn right insulting.

He didn’t want to sit through an awkward lunch with the guy who obviously still viewed him as a kid. Jiyong had thought that maybe since Dave was his age, and maybe since he had come back as a person that was obviously older and more mature, Seunghyun would finally take him seriously. So much for that.

So fuck that, and fuck them.

When he zoned back into the conversation, the two of them were still arguing.

“I just want something that’s easy okay!” Dave semi-shouted at Seunghyun.

Jiyong noticed they were not holding hands anymore.

“Well obviously not since you’re refusing all the options I’m giving!” Seunghyun responded loudly, his eyebrows furrowed in distress.

Jiyong sighed, crossing his arms. He needed to step in if he was going to be able to leave any time soon.

“Guys, I’m not up for this lunch. Obviously you two need to sort out your shit and I’m not going to sit through it without getting paid, so I’ll catch you guys later.”

The two stared at him with matching expressions on their faces. It was like they forgot he was even there, and he just oh-so-kindly reminded them of his unmemorable existence.

And that obviously wouldn’t do because Jiyong was memorable. He was more than memorable. He didn’t go through all that crap in the morning just to be forgotten by a moody couple. Jiyong Kwon was more than just a lump of human flesh, more than just a blip in the universe ready to be forgotten by any little old lady. And these two better damn well know it.

“Honestly, I don’t know why you didn’t just cancel on me, it’s embarrassing how you two are acting. Obviously there’s something more than just the fact that you guys can’t agree on something to eat.” Jiyong’s arms were still crossed and he rolled his eyes at the fact that he had to even say this out loud. “Which also is _terribly_ embarrassing. Just fucking choose something, who fucking cares?”

If Jiyong had been surprised at their matching staring expressions before, he would be stunned now. Both of their mouths had dropped open in literal shock, eyes wide. They were gaping at him like he said something scandalous or horrendous, whichever one.

Dave was the first one to gain control of his situation. He shut his mouth closed and stood up straight, looking very much like a boy scout ready to explain his side of the story with great gusto.

Jiyong inwardly rolled his eyes. Oh here we go.

“As a matter of fact, Jiyong. You’re right. There are _problems_ ,” he shot a dirty look at Seunghyun, “between us at the moment.”

Seunghyun just tsked and waved his arms around. “Oh come on Dave, you don’t need to get into—”

Dave interrupted him, “Actually, I think it would be a good idea if we did talk to someone about it. Maybe we’d finally resolve things if we had a mediator.”

Jiyong stopped at that. No, no, no, _no_. A mediator? That’s not what he wanted to be. That was exactly what he _didn’t_ want to be. Didn’t he just say that he didn’t want to listen to this without being paid? Even if he was being paid, he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to stomach it.

Couple problems? Sure, if it was his friends in trouble he’d help.

Seunghyun and Dave couple problems? Eugh, no, thanks. And that’s him being polite about it.

“Hey—” Jiyong tried to butt in.

“And I think that we should get Jiyong’s opinion. Fresh ears to really decide if we should _break up_ or not.” Dave said, his tone spiteful.

“Um—” Jiyong tried again.

“Dave… Don’t do this,” Seunghyun warned.

Dave ignored him, “So Jiyong you see. I overheard Seunghyun talking to Daesung – which I know is your brother, but no hard feelings because he’s his best friend and loyalty and all so I get that. And he was talking about him fantasising about another guy who is not me.”

“Dave!” Seunghyun semi-shouted, irritated. “Stop—”

“I don’t know what his name is but apparently Seunghyun hasn’t seen this guy in years and he’s gotten really hot and, ‘ _Daesung I’m so sorry but I can’t help myself. He’s… really something else.’_ ” Dave imitated Seunghyun’s voice and if the situation wasn’t so tender, Jiyong would’ve congratulated the other on his impression.

“So yeah Jiyong, what should we do? Obviously I’m not good enough for Seunghyun—”

“I never said that! Please Dave stop thi—”

“Well obviously I’m not!” Dave yelled, “ _Daesung, I’m so so sorry._ Why the fuck do you keep apologising to Daesung anyway? It’s not Daesung you’re in love with, is it?”

Dave stared at Seunghyun like he cracked the magic code.

“It is, isn’t it? You’re in love with your best friend?”

“No it isn’t! Just shut up, Dave!” Seunghyun sounded stressed. He was shaking his head so furiously, Jiyong was worried that it was going to fall off. His hands were clenched at his sides and for a second, Jiyong was actually worried for his health.   

“Then who is it Seunghyun? Who is it!” Dave yelled, alerting the attention of the nearby old couple who worriedly scuttered off.

While all of this was happening, Jiyong was inching further and further away, trying to rid of himself of the need to help. This was way out of his league. Not to mention the fact that he didn’t even sign up for this. All he wanted was a nice lunch, perhaps reuniting with Seunghyun, and then disappearing from the other’s life forever. It was supposed to be a goodbye and thanks for whatever kind of lunch and then Jiyong was supposed to leave a little saddened but overall happy with his decision.

 _This_ wasn’t supposed to have happened.

He wasn’t even studying law, nevertheless, _mediation_. He wasn’t a couple’s therapist. What was he supposed to do? He was as useful as a bystander, which indicated just how useless he actually was. All he was right now was this argument’s catalyst. If he wasn’t here, this wouldn’t be happening.

Perhaps it was better that they were arguing now. It was better to release those feelings they had bottled up inside of them, so they could properly reconcile.

“I’m in love with Jiyong!” Seunghyun finally yelled back, his arms flying out in frustration.

Or not.

 

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

Back in 2005, there was a movie called Just Friends. It was your classic run of the mill rom-com complete with a cheesy plot and an even cheesier dialogue. The only reason why Jiyong had watched the flick was because Ryan Reynolds starred it in, which in his opinion was more than enough reason to watch a movie.

Anyway, he digressed.

The storyline revolved around a boy who was in love with his best friend – you know, the typical stuff. The boy confessed but was rejected. He moved away and over time he became a sexy flirt. When he eventually came back to his home town, his unresolved feelings for the girl were revived. Okay really, long story short. He came back hot and they got together. There were a few twists and turns along the way, but other than that, it was your standard comedic flick.

Basically, Jiyong felt like Ryan Reynolds right now. If he had more time to think about the sadly high number of romantic comedies he has seen, he’d probably find a movie even similar to the drama he called his life. He was Ryan and Seunghyun was the female lead that Jiyong honestly didn’t know the name of. (To be fair, Jiyong only had eyes for Ryan)

Jiyong had come back, and now Seunghyun liked him. And like Ryan, when Jiyong came back, his unresolved feelings were once again _revived_.

But, unlike movie-Ryan, Jiyong hadn’t even thought of the possibility that the other would like him back. He promised himself that he’d try to ignore his feelings, just so Seunghyun could have a meaningful relationship with the guy he was with. Jiyong wasn’t so petty to try and sneakily seduce Seunghyun on the side. He thought he had a little more integrity than that.

So, when the whole conversation went down…

It took ten seconds for him to realise that they were both staring at him and then another twenty seconds for the comment to fully sink in.

Throughout the whole argument, Jiyong had been slowly inching away from the two just so he could surreptitiously disappear into thin air. However, in doing so, when both Dave and Seunghyun eventually _did_ look at him, he was nearly three metres away from them.

“What…” Jiyong breathed out, staring at Seunghyun.

Dave’s jaw was practically touching the floor. Jiyong was sure that his own wasn’t in much better condition.  

The older man looked so incredibly awkward and embarrassed, Jiyong nearly felt sorry for him. But then he thought back to what he said and just felt confusion once more.

“What did you just say?” Both Jiyong and Dave responded at the same time. They shot each other a look and Jiyong flinched at the other’s glare that consisted of pure hatred.

“I said it was Jiyong okay?” Seunghyun repeated with a guilty expression on his face.

So it _was_ true. Or the other was playing some kind of huge practical joke. Considering Jiyong’s luck today, it probably was.

“What was Jiyong?” Jiyong asked, making sure he was on the same note. To be fair, he had been trying to disappear for half the conversation, he wasn’t exactly paying full attention to the squabbling duo. His mind could be playing crazy tricks on him, his inner subconscious wanting to believe that Seunghyun actually fancied him.

“It’s _him_?!” Dave cried out, raising his arms and then dropping them immediately in despair. “ _He’s_ the one you’ve been thinking about? But he just came two days ago!”

“I…” Jiyong said helplessly. He looked at Dave’s expression and immediately felt so guilty, his heart aching in his chest.

Jiyong was finally understanding the situation. He could not deny the fact that for the tiniest second, he felt hope bloom in his chest at the thought of Seunghyun possessing feelings for him. Except that hope soon left him when he saw the look on Dave’s face.

What did he say about not wanting to be a homewrecker? This is exactly what he didn’t want happening. The only reason Jiyong had developed a dislike for the other was because he was dating Seunghyun. If Jiyong was being honest, Dave seemed like a nice guy.

“Dave…” Seunghyun looked so helpless, Jiyong wanted to cuddle him, and then hit him for springing this on everyone.

“I don’t understand, Seunghyun! I caught you a few weeks ago. He only moved here two days ago?!” The look of confusion and devastation on his face made Jiyong want to run away from the situation.

Yet, at the same time, he wanted to know more too. What was this about Seunghyun liking him weeks ago? He hadn’t talked to Seunghyun in years.

When the older threw him a _help me_ look, Jiyong just shook his head. He wanted to know too.

“Dave, please babe—” Seunghyun reached his arms out to comfort the other.

“No!” Dave shook his head, intercepting the arms that were fast approaching. “Don’t you ‘babe’ me.”

Clearly Dave was not taking any shit from Seunghyun right now, which Jiyong respected. The whole situation seemed to be an inevitable clusterfuck of built-up frustration and bad timing. They were in the middle of a food street in the goddamn _city_.

Jiyong quietly surveyed their surroundings, noting the number of people watching this soap opera of a conversation unfold. There were a few gossiping mothers with prams scattered around, watching the argument with judgemental eyes. The elderly couple from before sat nearby, seemingly ignoring the situation but after catching the lady glance at Seunghyun four times, Jiyong realised they were listening in too.

“Guys…” Jiyong tried to gain the attention of the two. “Guys…”

But unfortunately, just like before, Jiyong couldn’t rouse the attention of the two individuals. Even though the whole argument practically centred around Jiyong, he was once again treated like a no-named entity.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you at all! You’re so wonderful, babe—” Seunghyun pleaded.

“Fuck off!” Dave cried out angrily, “You should’ve just told me. I expect trust in a relationship.” 

Jiyong stood still, two parts of his brain warring against each other. On one hand, he wanted to butt in and tell the others that everyone was staring at them so if they wanted to argue, it’d probably be better if they found a more secluded place. On the other hand, Jiyong was somewhat certain that staying still and not bringing attention to himself would allow him to leave this whole mess relatively unscathed.

“I know, and I’m sorry!”

“How could you be sorry when your boytoy is finally back from whatever adventure he was on! Was I just an intermediary fuck?!”

The whole situation was just beyond bizarre, almost inexplicably so. And the fact that Seunghyun liked him, _no,_ he said he _loved_ him was the weirdest part. Maybe if the argument was about something else, Jiyong would be able to find the guts to step in and actually dissolve the tension.

But, right now, the mess of emotions circling through Jiyong’s head was unparalleled. Seunghyun’s answer of, _it’s Jiyong_ , was everything he both wanted and did not want to hear. It was as though all his feelings were chopped up and put through a blender, and he was now in a state of confusion and disharmony. Emotional turmoil? Yes, that was it entirely.

And the more he stared at Seunghyun, the man who put him in this position, the more he felt a dull anger simmer in the pit of his stomach. He loved him? Why did he say that? Even if it was an unwilling confession, he still said it. There must have been some force within him that drove him to confess. So what did he expect now? Did he expect Jiyong to be grateful and accept him with willing arms? That Jiyong was going to run to the other exclaiming that he loved him too?

“You love me…?” Jiyong’s voice sounded so dry and crackly, the low tone a sharp contrast, cutting the atmosphere and finally alerting the others’ attention. “Fuck you Seunghyun, I don’t know what you expected from this but I’m not going to grovel at your feet just because you now suddenly like me.”

He felt so powerless, and pathetic in general. It was like he was expected to accept no matter what he really felt. Like he was rooted to this course of action.

Seunghyun confessed so Jiyong must love him in return.

Life didn’t work like that. As much as he related to Ryan Reynolds before, he _wasn’t_ Ryan Reynolds in Just Friends. He wasn’t just going to come crawling back.

Jiyong’s confession quieted the two.

“I didn’t come here to steal your man,” Jiyong looked pointedly at Dave before turning his attention towards Seunghyun. “And, I didn’t come back here to be with you.”

“I don’t want to be involved in your problems. Don’t try to fucking blame anything on me, because nothing here is my fault. I’m here for a lunch and that’s it.”

He then grabbed the pair of shades that were resting on the top of his head, coolly placing it over his eyes and turned away, his coat flying beside him with a loud _swish_.

Fuck Ryan Reynolds, James Dean come at him.

*-*-*

“Youngbae, I can’t believe I fucking swore at them. I feel so bad. Oh my god.” Jiyong cried dramatically into the pillow.

After feeling like a goddamn badass for a record of two seconds, he had run to Youngbae’s house. Jiyong honestly couldn’t believe what he said to the others, nevertheless the fact that he had the guts to even say it to them. Sometimes he liked to think of himself as someone who had a backbone, but in reality, he didn’t. And unfortunately for him, all of that was all coming to bite him right in the butt.

Luckily, pillar of truth and honesty Youngbae was there to comfort him, always and forever.

“It’s ok Jiyong,” was all he responded with.

Jiyong turned his head from the Youngbae-smelling pillow to face his friend. The other was glued to his TV, console controller in hand and in Jiyong’s opinion, hardly paying enough attention to the important matter at hand.

Jiyong had just ruined any chance of reconciliation. He could recall the look on Seunghyun’s face just before he turned around and walked away without a chance to feel any remorse. The other looked so ruined, so scarred by all the events that had unfurled throughout the day. Battered one by one, first by Dave and then by Jiyong.

It was as though he was hoping that Jiyong would be his saviour in the mess, his rescuer and all Jiyong did was stamp on that trust, crushing it without giving the other a chance to explain.

In reality, Jiyong had not even heard what Seunghyun had meant to say. When did the other start developing these feelings for him? Dave mentioned that it happened awhile back, so the feelings may not necessarily be as superficial as Jiyong initially assumed it to be.

And yet, all Jiyong did was dance in front of him oh so mockingly. It was a rather cruel and wicked dance – he played with the other’s feelings, showing that he truly had no heart for the Seunghyun’s pride or ego.

Really, the little Jiyong could do was stay there and act as a shield for Dave’s frankly understandable anger. He was surprised that the other boy had not shown outright anger at Jiyong’s being and had instead directed it all towards Seunghyun. Which, if Jiyong really thought about it, made sense. Jiyong hadn’t really done anything, he hadn’t seen Seunghyun in years, what had he done to warrant Dave’s anger than just by being alive?

“I want to go and apologise. They’re dealing with so much and all I did was act like a stupid kid. Plus, Dave’s your friend too. Are you going to comfort him?” Jiyong threw his head back into the pillow, groaning for all his worth.

At that, Youngbae looked back, placing his controller on the hard wooden flooring. He reached his arms around and rested his head on his palms, seemingly in deep thought.

“I would, but Jiyongie, you’ve been my best friend for years. You’re always my first priority. And as such, I want you to not worry about it so much. There was some truth to what you said – you needn’t be involved so much. Even though Seunghyun likes you, that’s not your… fault or anything, okay?” Youngbae reassured him, sending him a small smile.

Jiyong just stared at his best friend for a few seconds, before he moved over the bed and jumped on his best friend. He knew there was a reason why he kept Youngbae as his best friend.

“Hey, hey, easy,” Youngbae struggled halfheartedly, smiling softly.

It had been years since Jiyong had anyone to reassure him on matters. Although he had made friends with Seungri, the younger was the one constantly asking for his advice. Youngbae was there on the phone, but there were always limitations to technology. Not being able to hug his best friend to death was one of them.

“Anyway, now that I’ve got your attention. Tell me what to do!” He whined pathetically, arms still clinging tight around his best friend.

Instead of struggling to escape, Youngbae stopped to think.

“You could just go and apologise…?”

“You’re useless!”

“What am I supposed to say?”

Jiyong rolled his eyes.

“I don’t know… something useful?”

“Like what?” Youngbae raised his eyebrows, turning his head slightly to stare into Jiyong’s eyes. “The fact that you want me to say something in specific tells me that you already have in mind what you want to do.”

Damn Youngbae for being so perceptive.

Truthfully, Jiyong did have something in mind, but even so, he still valued the thoughts of his best friend, even if it was crap half of the time.

“Well…? Spit it out then.”

Jiyong brought his gaze down and conjured the best puppy dog expression he could manage, eyes wide and eyebrows raised.

“Oh no…” Youngbae murmured at the sight of Jiyong’s expression. “I’m not going to like this, am I?”

“Well… Bae, I was wondering if you could um... apologisetoSeunghyunforme?”

He kept the expression on full blast, making sure that it left a poignant and lasting impression on his best friend. In reality, Jiyong knew that Youngbae couldn’t resist his puppy dog impression. It was his one method of gaining the upper hand on the other. He was told that it was a dog-eat-dog world out there, you had to find some advantage to survive. So, in terms of surviving and making sure that he never saw Seunghyun again, he’d get Youngbae to do his not really dirty, dirty work.

“Nope.”

The puppy dog look dropped from his face immediately.

“Why?!” He exclaimed loudly, removing his arms from the other. A ‘nope’ didn’t get a hug from him.

He doesn’t resort to underhanded tactics anymore, and maybe perhaps that’s the problem. Puppy dog eyes were useless as shit. If Youngbae didn’t cave to those, what else could Jiyong do? Threaten calling Hyorin up again? There was only so many times he could use that excuse before the other found out that well... hey, he didn’t actually have Hyorin’s number. Not that it would be so hard to get it, but that was besides the point.  

“I’m not apologising to Seunghyun for you. Jeez Jiyong, I think you’d feel a lot better if you were the one who apologised. Plus, I don’t know why you’re getting so worked up over this anyway. Weren’t you telling me that you didn’t want to talk to him ever again after this?”

Jiyong tsked, shaking his head. Despite how much he loved his best friend, there were some things the other just didn’t get. There was a very subtle play of power going on under the surface of their interaction. Although he _really showed them, showed them who was the boss there,_ (he rolls his eyes at his own thought and cringes when he thinks back to the situation once more) the fact that he was so aggressive was already a step in the wrong direction.

There was just something about being polite and yet gaining control of a situation that really appealed to Jiyong. His initial idea of meeting up with the other, having a nice time and then promptly revealing that he believed it would be best for them to not meet up anymore, was a good example of how he would have achieved his goals in a simple and friendly manner. The fact that it would’ve been done genially was huge, especially in contrast to the load of shit that happened instead.

“I can’t face him anymore, Bae.”

“I think you’re being way too dramatic.”

“I think you just don’t understand!”

Youngbae rolled his eyes.

“I understand, and I think you’re being way too dramatic here Ji. They’re not going to think anything about you. It’s understandable that you didn’t wanna sit through their couple problems. I don’t know anyone who would want to. And it’s also understandable that you’d get angry when it just kept on escalating. You’re beating yourself too much over here. _That’s_ not healthy.”

Jiyong paused for a second, his mind thinking over Youngbae’s comment.

“Can you please apologise to him?” Jiyong pleaded once more.

Youngbae sighed, “Do you even listen to anything I say?”

“Sometimes when I’m drunk.” Jiyong confessed, shrugging at the other.

“Well,” Youngbae reached over and slapped Jiyong’s knee. “At least you’re honest.”

“I think maybe too honest,” Jiyong grumbled uselessly. He really didn’t want to keep reminding himself of the horrible situation.

Fortunately, Youngbae backed off after that. But at the same time, unfortunately, Jiyong realised that he hadn’t managed to convince the other. And, he sadly resigned himself to the fact that he probably wasn’t going to be able to do so.

With considerable effort, Jiyong dragged his uncooperative body off the bed and sluggishly made his way towards the house kitchen. Since he was a kid, he had managed to navigate his way around the Dongs’ family home with ease, always being told that he was practically apart of the family. He glanced at the kitchen and let out a weary sigh.

There was one other house he had been similarly welcomed in as a child.

Seunghyun’s home.

Although years had passed, Jiyong could remember the décor perfectly from the bright walls, spacious kitchen to the weird amphitheatre looking stairs. The memories that came to mind when he thought about what he considered his home as a child, was a weird amalgamation of the three houses he constantly found himself spending time in. After all, those memories didn’t just disappear.

“Fuck…” Jiyong swore, resting his head on the cool marble table.

He was going to have to apologise. Youngbae was as stubborn as a mule. 

*-*-*

After he managed to make his way home after the useless visit to Youngbae’s house, he had locked himself in his room, watching reruns of his favourite TV show and trying to forget all and everything that had happened.

Except, Jiyong had forgotten what it was like living with his brother. And what he quickly learned was that it was impossible to escape when the other demanded it.

But despite the big and scary confrontation, nothing really went down. Jiyong was _sure_ that the other was going to drill him on the conversation he had with Daesung’s best friend. Seunghyun surely would have told him everything… Right?

Alas, Daesung merely questioned why he was just watching TV. And that was all to it.

That made everything more suspicious. Was Daesung just hiding the fact that he knew what was going on between him and Seunghyun or did he just really not know?

It sucked how Jiyong could hardly figure his brother out anymore. Things had changed since he left and although he saw his brother on as close as a regular basis as he could get living states apart, they weren’t as close as they used to be.

Despite Daesung’s small interference in his TV watching, nothing else had really happened. And as such, Jiyong was living life, happily and blissfully ignoring the fact that he was going to have to apologise sooner or later. Technically, he didn’t have to apologise but unfortunately, his conscience wasn’t going to let him off this one. As much as he tried to go on with his daily life, memories of Seunghyun, of the Seunghyun he had a crush on as he was growing up and as the Seunghyun he met only days before, just kept flashing in his mind.

Seunghyun was an important part of his childhood, and was a reason that he was the way he was today. He played a huge role, as a friend, a hyung, and someone that Jiyong genuinely looked up to. Even if the matter was trivial in Youngbae’s eyes, it mattered to Jiyong that he said something. Something to just make things better.

It amused him when he thought about the fact that he was so ready to practically delete the other from his life. Really, it was a stupid thought. Was it even possible to discard the other so easily? He was sure no matter what, he would always think about Seunghyun.

And then as such, think about Dave.

Dave.

Jiyong honestly had no idea what to say to that guy. Youngbae mentioned that Dave wasn’t accepting any of his calls. Jiyong felt so bad he bought his best friend a delivery pizza – not that pizza made up for the fact that it was his fault one of Youngbae’s friends wasn’t accepting his calls, but considering that Jiyong wasn’t leaving his room for anything, it was all he could do.

Dave…

Firstly he was going to fix the mess with Seunghyun, and then he’d start thinking about what to do with Dave. It wasn’t really Jiyong’s fault, so technically he didn’t really need to do anything. But the guy just seemed so normal, he felt bad for everything that happened to him. Maybe Jiyong could get him some pizza too…?

But even that had to wait, because every time Jiyong thought of calling Seunghyun, he immediately chickened out.  

Jiyong regularly thought about calling Seunghyun, but he kept backing out, telling himself that, ‘ _he’d do it later’_ and on days that he so managed to actually pick up the phone, reminding himself that the other, _‘was probably busy at work’_. 

As a result, a few days became a few _weeks_ and still Jiyong was sitting around the house moping. Being on vacation, the days managed to fly by without a second thought.

So, by the time Youngbae managed to finally drill it in him that he was just becoming a whiny, mopey, annoying piece of shit, three weeks had passed.

*-*-*

Jiyong wished that his landline phone had a curly cable just so he could twirl it around his finger like all the girls did in movies. At least the curly cable would distract him from what he was finally doing.

He had just typed in Seunghyun’s number, that he had so gratefully gotten from his hyung, and was now waiting for the other to pick up the ringing line.

_Ring..._

_Ring…_

_Ri—_

“Daesung,” Seunghyun’s voice droned wearily over the line.

Jiyong waited for the other to say something else besides just his older brother’s name but nothing came. Okay, weird. Is that how the two best friends always answered each other?

He inhaled a quick breath, inwardly willing all of his brave feelings to the forefront of his mind. He had weeks of pussyfooting, now was the time to actually do something.

“Hyung, it’s me.” Jiyong said simply, surprised by how strong his voice sounded.

“That’s not Daesung,” Seunghyun sounded surprised like he expected only Daesung’s voice to come from that specific home phone number.

“No, no it isn’t,” Jiyong snorted amused. He closed his eyes and ran a hand through his hair, letting out a deep breath. “Hyung, can we meet up, please?”

“Jiyong….” Seunghyun said, helplessly.

“Please hyung? I need to speak to you in person.”

“Jiyong, now isn’t the right time.” His tone sounded so weak and tired.

“Please hyung? Can I just talk to you for a little bit?” Jiyong went on. He needed to apologise to him properly otherwise his stupid conscience wouldn’t let him live. At least if he tried and the other just flat out refused him, he could tell himself that, at least he tried. “When are you free?”

Silenced droned on for a few seconds.

“Hyung…?” Jiyong asked, hoping that the other hadn’t left the call.

He heard a big sigh and then a wearily sounding, “I’m free today.”

*-*-*

They agreed to meet at a café that was near their houses, a spot that Jiyong had been to only a million times before. It was their local joint, one of the few places that had stood the test of time and remained as the neighbourhood’s special spot.

Jiyong arrived a few minutes early, grabbing a spot and thinking his speech through once more. He had ordered an ice coffee before thinking that he probably shouldn’t have, he really didn’t need the extra sugar.

His nerves were already on fire. Weeks of waiting had come to this, to this moment where he was going to say sorry. He frowned when he realised how dull that sounded. He had been worried for weeks about _apologising_. When he thought about it like that, it really sounded kinda stupid.

But, Seunghyun wasn’t just a nobody he could easily say nasty things to. He was Seunghyun, the boy-turned-man that he had looked up to since he was a kid. _That_ automatically made things different.

He waited a few more minutes, sipping on his ice coffee. His nerves weren’t dissipating but only escalating as the time passed.

Eventually, the shop door opened and in walked Seunghyun. But it wasn’t the Seunghyun, Jiyong was used to seeing. The person that walked in, albeit tall and relatively muscular looked tired and haggard. Dark bags were visible under his doey sick-looking eyes. His face was pale, somewhat ashen in colouring, and his mouth was drooped downwards, masking his face with a frown.

Overall he looked sad and angry as fuck – and Jiyong’s nerves only escalated once more.

“H-hyung!” Jiyong called out to the older man searching the dense space.

Seunghyun’s eyes zeroed in on him at the sound, and he nodded his head in acknowledgement.

“Hey hyung,” Jiyong bit his lip at the curt nod he received in response. “How are you?”

“What’s up Jiyong,” Seunghyun replied simply, getting straight to the point.

Jiyong winced, reaching a hand over to scratch the back of his head. He had expected some anger but nothing to this awkward, no-nonsense degree.

“I just… wanted to apologise,” the words felt thick in his mouth, unwilling to come out. “For what happened that other time.”

Seunghyun’s head was faced down for a few seconds and Jiyong followed his line of gaze, also staring at the wooden table.

“You know,” Seunghyun mused, lifting his head up. His tone sounded so matter of factly, borderline cynical. “Dave broke up with me.”

Jiyong’s jaw dropped wide open.

Silence ticked on for a few seconds.

“Honestly, I expected it. We were having problems. And then you heard what happened…”

Jiyong was frozen in his seat, not even daring to move.

“But I was shocked at how civil he was during the whole thing,” Seunghyun rested his head on his hand, like he was telling an amusing tale instead, “I expected lots of angry Dave, but no. Surprising me once again, that’s Dave…”

His last comment sounded wistful, a mixture of regret and longing.

“Seunghyun…” Jiyong croaked out, shaking his head and clearing his throat. “I’m…”

Seunghyun shot him a look, a sardonic look on his face.

“What, you’re sorry?”

Jiyong flinched.

“What, you were going to say that?”

Jiyong didn’t respond. Seunghyun wasn’t wrong, he _was_ going to say that. It was the basic go to phrase for anything that was remotely sad.

“Well don’t bother, because it isn’t your fault.” Seunghyun sighed, rubbing his face on his palm. “I’m not going to blame you for something that isn’t your fault at all.”

Jiyong closed his mouth and sat back in his chair. That was unexpected. From Seunghyun’s grumpy attitude, Jiyong was _sure_ he was going to get thoroughly slammed.

“I’m not going to blame my relationship problems on the, what, two times I’m seen you since you’ve moved back.” Seunghyun shook his head. “Nah, this was my fault entirely.”

A frown was imprinted on Seunghyun’s face, a grotesque caricature of his normal happy composure. Thick, heavy lines were etched over previously smooth skin, highlighting his morose and bitter mood.

Seeing Seunghyun like this made Jiyong feel sad and bad. Even if the other said that it wasn’t his fault, Jiyong _wanted_ Seunghyun to blame him. He wanted Seunghyun to use him as the reason why his relationship was a failure, because seeing Seunghyun blaming himself was even worse.

Jiyong knew that his own thoughts were terrible. What kind of person wished for someone to blame them, especially when technically nothing was their fault? What type of childhood did he have to cause such twisted behaviour? He honestly wanted Seunghyun to blame him just so Seunghyun wouldn’t feel so bad. He had come into this meeting with thoughts of apologising and then leaving, almost without a care in the world. And yet now, he _wanted_ Seunghyun to use him as an excuse, just so the other didn’t blame himself so much.

This had to be love. Love was the only thing that would cause people to think and act so stupidly.

Just one look at Seunghyun and he forgot the reason why he was here. He knew he had to apologise, but apologise for what? All he knew was that he needed to apologise. He needed to make things right. While Jiyong wasn’t sure how he was going to do that just yet, maybe if he apologised, things would become more clear.

However, when Jiyong thought about it – the apology he had formed in his head that was finally coming back to him seemed so trivial in comparison to Seunghyun’s current struggles. What good would his apology do? What good would saying sorry for the things he said, do when Seunghyun was in the midst of dealing with a breakup? If Jiyong apologised now, his honest and sincere words would instead seem mocking.

But, Jiyong couldn’t just leave things the way they were. He had to say _something_.

“Seunghyun, I’m so…” He lifted a hand up to stop the other from interrupting, shaking his head with the movement. “I’m really honestly sorry that you have to deal with this. I initially came here to apologise about what I said to both you and Dave the last time we met up.” He rested his palms on the table, pressing his pointer finger into the grooves of the table and moving them slowly, a nervous tick of his. “I didn’t mean to say what I said so rudely. And, I deeply apologise for how I might have come across. Since then, I’ve been feeling so bad.”

Jiyong let out a laugh, thinking back to the number of times he tried to get Youngbae to apologise for him.

“You wouldn’t even guess how many times I’ve asked Youngbae to apologise on my behalf.”

When Jiyong looked up from the invisible circles he had been drawing on the bumpy wooden table, he immediately noticed Seunghyun’s frown. The other seemed like he wanted to interrupt, his expression telling in the sense that he wanted to argue. Argue what, Jiyong had no clue. Nevertheless, Jiyong did not give him time to interject.

“I’ve constantly been putting this off, because of… Well, you know. Our history together made me feel awkward. It’s like…” Jiyong turned his face down once again, looking at the wooden table in embarrassment. The words came out of his mouth softly. Embarrassed. “After I confessed to you, things were different. Well, I mean I didn’t really see you after I confessed but I mean—” he cut himself off, realising that he was rambling.

Jiyong shook his head, trying to think back to his point.

“I’m just saying that since then, I’ve felt as though things were different. You were on a different level to me. I was kinda inferior to you. So, um… I moved and tried to become a different person.” Jiyong smiled softly, thinking back to the life he had in the town with his mother. The life he had with his close friends like Seungri. “And although I managed to convince myself for awhile. As soon as I moved back, I realised that I hadn’t really changed as much as I would have liked to think I had.”

It was all coming to his head now, things he hadn’t really thought of before. While it was true that he had managed to unlock and discover a part of himself in the city he moved to, he never really changed in the way he thought he did. Now, that he had moved back to his home city, the mask he had put on to help him in a new and unknown city was finally taken off. He _had_ changed, that was true. But it wasn’t changing in the way that his whole life and ideals had changed, it was more that when he moved, he just grew up. And now Jiyong was finally unleashing both sides of him.

He hoped the two sides could coexist in harmony.

“I tried to act really badass, like nothing affected me. But that wasn’t true, that definitely wasn’t true. I’m still the same Jiyong, hyung.” Jiyong moved his hands to his chest, eagerly peering into the eyes of the other. He tried to make the words sound as honest as possible, because that’s what they were. The words were honest, coming straight out of his heart. “I’m the same Jiyong from childhood, scared of lizards, toads and every other scuttering creature.”

Seunghyun let out a chuckle at that, sending him a fond and nostalgic smile in response. Jiyong’s heart thumped wildly in his chest at the sight, tingling feelings rushing down his spine.

“So when I said those things, while at the time I felt like I was on top of the world, as soon as I left, I felt so bad. Who was I to say those things to you? You were still my hyung, no matter what has happened in the past couple of years.” Jiyong shrugged, like the concept was so simple. “Plus, you’re welcome to be in any relationship you want. I come back here and I don’t know what, but maybe, maybe in my deepest darkest thoughts, I had some hope that you’d come crawling to me. Either way, I shouldn’t have acted like your happiness isn’t important to me.”

Jiyong rested his fist on the table, indicting how strict and non-negotiable his stance was on the situation.

“I know this has been long-winded and tiring, but I just needed to apologise to you, hyung. You are so important to me. A few years away and a botched confession isn’t going to change that.”

Jiyong slumped back into his chair, the weight of his whole spiel extremely heavy and daunting. He casted a glance his companion, trying to make sense of the number of emotions crossing the other’s face. Seunghyun’s previously thick and frowning expression was now gone. In Jiyong’s opinion, his face looked a mix of amazement, confusion and admiration. 

“Jiyong…” Seunghyun’s voice sounded a little scratchy and he cleared his throat before continuing on. “I…”

The other closed his eyes, shaking his head slightly. Jiyong waited patiently for him to continue.

“I’m sorry, it’s just. Ugh, Jiyong. I’m still trying to process everything,” Seunghyun smiled, his face looking somewhat puzzled. “I have to tell you what happened that caused the trouble with Dave, even if my thing is hardly as long and well, probably not as feel-good as your story.”

Jiyong opened his mouth to protest that no, telling the truth was always admirable, but stopped at the other’s look.

“So, I developed these feelings for you a… few months ago, despite what you may believe.” Seunghyun let out a small, somewhat cynical laugh at that. “Actually, that’s a lie. Since today is being honest day, I’m going to just go out and say that – as soon as you confessed to me those years ago, I… started to develop feelings for you.”

Jiyong’s mouth dropped wide open. He was _not_ expecting that at all.

“Yeah, it was just, before that, I had never even thought of the possibility of liking you, you know? You were Daesung’s younger brother. You were my _dongsaeng._ I taught you everything and you were like, well, not exactly a brother to me, but you were someone who was very close. You were my special Jiyongie.” Seunghyun smiled, shrugging his shoulders.

Jiyong himself found himself thinking of the number of times he had spent with Seunghyun over the years, the thousands of times Seunghyun had stood up for him or looked out for him.

“So when you finally told me that you liked me, initially I was just shocked. It was something I had never even considered. Jiyongie, my dongsaeng, liked me? So on that day, I think… I had a girlfriend at the time?” Seunghyun sounded confused at that, like he could hardly remember the exact details.

Jiyong butted in, nodding his head and affirming the other’s question. “Yes, you did.”

Seunghyun shot him an amused look and Jiyong blushed. It was kind of embarrassing how much that memory had stuck to Jiyong and yet Seunghyun could hardly even remember having the girlfriend that ruined so many of Jiyong’s hopes and dreams.

“I did a lot of thinking after that. I hadn’t seen you in ages, but I realised that it was because you’d probably and understandably feel awkward around me. You were still somewhat young at the time, and I didn’t want to be a bad influence on you.” Seunghyun mused, “Plus, Daesung would’ve probably ripped me a new one if I even tried to court you at that age.”

Jiyong couldn’t help but laugh a little at that. That was probably true. Daesung would’ve caused some _shit_.

“But, yeah, after that, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. While perhaps not in a necessarily romantic sense at the time, you were just popping up in my thoughts a lot. You were always there. Even once Daesung told me that you were moving away, I actually protested against you leaving.” Seunghyun stared straight into Jiyong’s eyes, his expression indicating that he wanted Jiyong to believe him, especially on this note. “I was so selfish, I begged Daesung to allow you to stay here. But he told me that it wasn’t his decision, and that he couldn’t do anything about it.”

Jiyong bit his lip at that. He had no idea Seunghyun had done that for him. Daesung had never mentioned any word of Seunghyun wanting him to stay. He wasn’t sure if that would’ve made any difference at the time, but now. Now, for Jiyong, it made a whole world of difference.

“I thought about you constantly. What is Jiyong doing now? Hope he’s settling in okay. I wonder if he’s made any friends?” Seunghyun frowned, scrunching up his face slightly. “I was like a fucking, I don’t even know. It was just stupid how much I thought of you.

“Eventually, years passed and I was still thinking of you. And then you graduated high school and I don’t know why, but Daesung showed me your Facebook, because back then, your profile picture was your high school graduation picture. And no joke, I honestly fucking fell in love right there.”

Seunghyun looked so sincere, his face a mixture of emotions. He looked so embarrassed at the words, but at the same time he exuded honesty, and Jiyong couldn’t believe anything otherwise.

“It was so dumb, it wasn’t because you were gorgeous, despite you being so beautiful and so god damn gorgeous.”

Jiyong bit his lip at that comment, his cheeks heating up slightly.

“No, it was just at that moment. All the feelings I had for you were compiled and I think once I saw a physical representation of you again, it just all exploded. Because yeah, remember, this was the first time I was seeing you since you had confessed to me.” Seunghyun was speaking faster now, the words coming out of his mouth in haste, like he couldn’t wait to explain everything. “It was like seeing you once again opened the floodgates and I was just inundated with emotions. Everything that I had been thinking about you was now _real_ , there was a physical person I could attribute these feelings to. And, the fact that you were finally, well I guess old enough, also boded well on my conscience.”

Jiyong was just stuck with his mouth open in surprise and constant shock. ‘Cause what? That was like two years ago? A mere two years ago and Seunghyun was pining over him? Over Jiyong? It was such a foreign concept in his head – Seunghyun was pining over _him_! Over _Jiyong_!

The fact that it wasn’t him pining for once but the other way around, puzzled him. In his head, he had taken the role as the number one piner, but now here Seunghyun was, revealing what had really happened during the period Jiyong was away.

“W-what happened after that?” Jiyong croaked out, taking a sip of his now diluted no-ice-just-coffee.

“Well,” Seunghyun shrugged. “After awhile of moping and pining over you, I realised that I had probably lost all my chance of getting with you so I tried to get over you.”

“And this was with… Dave?” Jiyong said unsteadily, unsure how the other would react.

Seunghyun nodded his head once. Yes.

“But then… what happened when he found out on the phone…?” Jiyong asked, slowly.

The older man dropped his head towards the table, seemingly embarrassed.

“Well, um. Turns out that Daesung somehow found out about my feelings… that, despite my huge attempts to get rid of, hadn’t left.”

Oh.

He looked directly into Jiyong’s eyes at that, causing Jiyong to look away.

Well, that explained it.

At Seunghyun’s words, Jiyong felt a sliver of _something_ run up and down his body and he shivered. Seunghyun’s eyes zeroed in on the movement and Jiyong felt so small against the wooden chair, with the older man’s piercing gaze on him. He felt like a small ant being inspected and scrutinized at the strong look. It made him feel weird, the tingly feeling from earlier growing deep inside of him.

Seunghyun liked him, it seemed so weird in his head. But at the same time, he could tell that the other wasn’t lying and that these weren’t just some superficial feelings only realised when Jiyong had returned. The older man looked so serious and yet so tender at the same time, wanting Jiyong to understand his side of the story.

“I… I see…” Jiyong whispered, his mouth feeling dry. He slipped his tongue out to dab at his chapped lips, his heart pounding intensely in his chest. Seunghyun was now staring at his small lip movement, a number of emotions crossing his face. Jiyong could guess what a few of them meant. Want, desire… sadness?

The sadness brought Jiyong back to the situation and what had happened. It reminded him of how the other looked when he mentioned Dave. Despite just practically proclaiming that he had feelings for Jiyong, and no matter how much that made Jiyong’s heart thump happily in his chest, the other had just gone through a breakup. And it was obvious that he did have at least some feelings for Dave, however deep they may be.

He had been dumped recently and Jiyong knew how that felt. Seunghyun needed time to heal, to find himself again. To find the person he was, the strong and wonderful human being that was able to live without relying on someone. Whenever he had to deal with breakups, Jiyong always found that to be the hardest part. After being so reliant on someone for so long, being thrust back into life without that crutch was going to be hard on Seunghyun. The older man really needed time to himself, without matters of the heart affecting him at every turn.

“Seunghyun, I understand.” Jiyong said, reaching his hand over to grab the other’s palm.

The older man’s hand was laid flat in Jiyong’s grasp, his fingers somewhat sweaty and wet from what Jiyong assumed was nervousness. Like always, Seunghyun’s hand engulfed his, the other’s long fingers looking huge and thick next to Jiyong’s more slender form.

“You do?” Seunghyun frowned, looking slightly broken and battered. It must’ve been hard to exclaim his feelings to the one person it applied to.

Jiyong nodded, rubbing the other’s palm softly. He repeated the movement, waiting for Seunghyun to loosen up slightly.

“We both have feelings for each other, but…”

Seunghyun’s bigger hand tightened around Jiyong’s at the last word.

“But…?” He sounded so worried that Jiyong was going to refuse him.

“But right now is not the time for us to be together, hyung. You just got out of a relationship, and I can tell that you cared very deeply for Dave. You need time to heal, hyung.”

The older man opened his mouth, ready to protest, but closed it gingerly. He looked at Jiyong’s expression before staring at their conjoined hands, thick digits entwined with thin.

“You’re right.” Seunghyun finally breathed out after a few long seconds of heavy silence.

“Yeah?” Jiyong smiled at the other, his heart feeling happy in his chest.

“I really like you Jiyong. I’ve liked you for a long time, but Dave… I need…” Seunghyun struggled to find the words.

He looked so sad and confused, seemingly wanting to explain to Jiyong why it wasn’t now that they should be together.

But before the other could tie himself in a knot, Jiyong shushed him. Jiyong’s heart felt so relaxed in his chest, like he had finally made a correct decision for the first time in weeks.

“I understand, Seunghyun. We have all the time in the world.” Jiyong said softly, “I think we both need to get used to the thought that we both like each other for one.”

Because that was still puzzling Jiyong, that everything today had boiled down to this. He couldn’t believe he came into this even thinking that he was going to let the other go. How was that even possible?

“I don’t know how long I’ll be. I’ll need time, and I can’t ask you to wait for me because of it. That’s something I won’t force you to do.” Seunghyun said seriously, reaching his other hand over and holding Jiyong’s hand tight in his own. He stared into Jiyong’s eyes, indicating through his gaze just how serious he was, just how much he wanted to ensure Jiyong’s happiness, whether it was with Seunghyun or not.

Jiyong smiled at the other and tightened his grip on Seunghyun’s hand.

He could tell that Seunghyun agreed and appreciated his thoughts. And as a result, Jiyong felt lighter and happier than ever. He was in the café of his childhood, with the love of his adolescence. And they were both looking at a future that was destined to be filled with their combined happiness. While it currently wasn’t the right time, their time was coming.

And as Jiyong sat on the wooden chair, staring at Seunghyun’s shy and serious smile, he sported a similar one. A smile filled with nervous wonder and hope for what the future held. Really, whatever the future held, Jiyong knew that it was going to be great. Whatever happened and whenever it happened, he had the love of his life here with him.

 “I’ll wait however long for you.” Jiyong concluded with a grin that promised hope and happiness.

Jiyong had waited years for this, he wanted it to be perfect. However long it took, it would be worth it.

Because it was Seunghyun.

And Seunghyun was worth it.

 

~the end~

 


End file.
